We humans are in the enviable position of being able to pick the perfect pet for ourselves. We can go to a shelter, store, or breeder and pick out the perfect animal that looks friendly or smart or adorable or dependable, basing our decisions on whatever qualities are most important to us. As the anniversary of Sadie’s Gotcha Day approaches, I find myself thinking about what would happen if the animals got to pick their human instead. I imagined Sadie holding interviews for possible owner candidates, and decided that, if given the chance, she would require her new owner to sign a contract before she agreed to go home with them.
So, in honor of Sadie’s Gotcha Day, which was three years ago tomorrow, I present the Ownership Contract written by Sadie the Yorkipoo:
On this, the 21st day of July in the year 2012, I, Sadie the Yorkipoo, am listing my terms for entering into a dog-owner relationship with Mary DiTosto. The following terms are non-negotiable, and any deviation from said terms will void this contract.
- Sadie will be given a new toy every day of her life, with the option of additional new toys for good behavior, special occasions, etc.
- Sadie will be granted first choice of sleeping and siting areas; i.e. she will choose her preferred spot on the couch or bed and all humans will adapt to her choice.
- All food belongs to Sadie. She will eat her fill from your plate and then allow you to enjoy the leftovers. In addition, a dog treat must be promptly provided upon request, no exceptions.
- If Sadie decides an object is hers, she may have it without complaint. Objects include, but are not limited to, shoes, socks, slippers, clothing, stuffed animals, pillows, etc.
- Sadie will be let outside promptly when asked, no matter the time or the weather.
- Sadie reserves the right to add future provisions, which will be binding when signed as an addendum to this contract.
I, Mary DiTosto, hereby agree to abide by the following terms in exchange for the privilege of owning the Yorkipoo named Sadie.
(Place paw print here)
Sadie the Yorkipoo’s Signature